Author: Get It Together
In 2015 I decided to self-publish a book in 30 days. It was an intense challenge, and I am glad I accepted it because this book went on to change my life in many ways. My inspiration was finding, what I thought at the time, was the key to balance. I ran a handmade fashion design business on Etsy from 2009-2022 (see www.darkponycouture.com for more) as a solo entrepreneur. I had two small children when I started and $25 of start-up funds. To say running this business was a challenge is an understatement. Although this book is no longer in print and my Etsy shop is closed, I feel that this part of my career is so important to my experience and who I am today, that I wanted to document it here. I am including an excerpt below.
INTRODUCTION:
Get It Together, Combining the two sides of your life into one cohesive world. Mom Life+Art Life+Organization=Balance
When I began my journey as a new mom, I was under the impression that I had chosen to give up my previous life because that’s what it meant to be a mother. I really believed it could only be one or the other, the life of an artist or that of a devoted mother. How could I not choose to focus all of my attention on this new life I brought into the world? That was an easy answer for me. As the first few surprisingly difficult years of motherhood passed by, one day I had a sudden realization that really bothered me. I hadn’t attempted to do a single art project, hadn’t really written anything more than the occasional thank-you note, hadn’t read one book, was working a job I didn’t love, and I had basically given up on the possibility of any of those things ever happening again. Get It Together 5 People talk about having the clichéd mid-life crisis, but I got an early start. I was 22. Around this time my husband Jason and I met for dinner with our long-time friend Josh and his brand new girlfriend Genevieve. After the typical awkwardness of greetings and how-do-you-dos, she asked me a pretty innocuous question, which completely scrambled my brains. “So, what do you do?” What a question! Keep in mind it had been so long since someone asked me a question about myself that I didn’t even know what to say. My life at that time was filled with, “How is the baby?” and “When are you having another baby?” I thought what I was doing — being a mom — was so obvious that no one needed to ask me anything. It caught me totally off guard. I answered something like, “I work part-time as an administrative assistant and I’m a mom.” However, the gears were turning and I knew there was something missing, but I wasn’t ready to say what it was or to admit I could do anything about it. Looking back I remember I was wearing an ill-fitting yuppie outfit my mom bought me from WalMart, a far cry from my own personal style. I realized at that moment I had given up on a lot of stuff, and that wasn’t cool. The years rolled by. Genevieve and I became close friends. Houses were bought and sold. I wrote a little more in my journal. I squeezed in an art project or two. I took a sewing class. I started caring about how I looked and what I wore and if it reflected my personal style. I went out with friends more often. Genevieve became a new mother too. She and I talked for many hours about the struggle of being an artist and a mom. She is now a mother of three and an amazing singer and fashion designer in her own right. The more we talked about achieving a true balance between art and family the more I began to think of it as a fantasy — something out of my reach and a joke. I found myself at times wishing I could be more like my own mom who only ever dreamed of having kids and being a housewife. Another simple and brief interaction, which I have come to see as important in changing my attitude and finally spurring me into action, happened when I was 25 and pregnant with my second son. I was at a local fashion show, taking photos and hanging out in the audience. An older lady approached me and asked, “So, what do you do?” I replied over the blaring house music, “I’m just a housewife”, her reply startled me, “There is no such thing as just a housewife.” That was all she said before returning to her drink. I remember thinking; I can’t believe I would describe myself this way. This just isn’t who I am and this isn’t the label I should give myself. I could have answered a lot differently. This simple exchange really made me think about my answer and my attitude towards my situation. Admittedly a few more years passed before I really felt the desire and pressure to attempt to find this balance because I believed it would be the hardest thing I ever tried. But I got to the point where I felt reinvention was my savior and so the deeper I delved into finding this balance, the better I felt. I started believing that finding this balance in my life was not a joke. I stopped caring as much about what people thought I should be doing. I started taking my mental well-being seriously. I stopped waiting for someone to give me permission to be the kind of woman I fantasized about being when I was 12 - Joan Collins from Dynasty meets Melanie Griffith in Working Girl. I woke up and got to work. I was 28.
If you feel conflicted- this article is pretty amazing, in my opinion... http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/04/ask-polly-doi-have-a-baby-or-have-acareer.html?mid=facebook_nymag
Give Yourself A Get Out of Jail Free Card
Sometimes without meaning to we put ourselves in a prison of our own making. When we start giving ourselves permission to indulge in creativity, doors begin to open and plans start to unfold. Having something to call your own is freeing. Being able to put your ideas to use is satisfying. Feeling the thrill of confidence is amazing. My intention for this book is to give you hope, inspire you to be creative, and give you the confidence to break through whatever might be holding you back. Hard work, perseverance, and believing in yourself are the keys to success. You can do it. You have the power. Choose your own adventure. Your book isn’t done being written yet. “...You must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, ‘Most men (and women) lead lives of quiet desperation.’ Don’t be resigned to that. Break out!” - Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society
